Hazel, New Mexico, 2022

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’” Eleanor Roosevelt

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Do the thing you fear the most, and the death of fear is certain,” Mark Twain

My first ex-husband, Tim, lived by the words “Do the thing you fear.” It was what compelled him, at age 19, to tell me how he felt about me. I was away at my freshman year of college, and he sent me a mixed cassette tape. As I listened it became clear that it was all love songs. The clencher was Booker T’s song, “What Does It Take?” with these lyrics:

What does it take to win your love for me?
How can I make this dream come true for me?
Oh, I just got to know,
Oh, baby, ’cause I love you so

It was a grand gesture that worked! We got married in less than a year. He used it to achieve other things in life, like applying for jobs, starting his own business, or meeting someone famous (“Hi, Meat Loaf!”).

I’m thinking about this today because our second grandson, Isaac, is currently training with the Peace Corps in Tanzania, preparing to teach math to high school students. He purposely sought out a vocation of service, following in the footsteps of his dad, our son, Ben. I’ve seen Isaac climb to the tip of thin, pointed rocks, balancing as if he was on solid ground, while his mom and I averted our eyes and tried not to panic. Adventure is fun and challenging to him; I might even say he’s a bit of a daredevil.

This is not his first trip to Africa; he previously worked on a college project to provide solar lighting to a village in Uganda. Thanks to my curious and bold daughter-in-law, Suzette, my four grandsons have been to many countries and experienced other cultures. It increases their world view, allows them the ability to travel wherever they choose. They all are outgoing, curious, and easily make friends.

Like my ex, or maybe because of him, I also choose to live by the adage “Do the Thing You Fear.” I have fallen in love several times, traveled alone, and easily talk to people I don’t know. I went to a band audition once out in the country, was told to walk into the house and down the basement stairs, with no idea who was waiting there (“Hello, Toy Box,” a classic rock cover band I performed and had a blast with for several years). While writing this I realize it might have been foolish, especially with my own unhealthy interest in true crime. But my ability to do the thing I fear allowed me to bravely go to job interviews, sing in front of a lot of people, and live a life that has been exciting.

One time, on my friend Ken’s yacht in Lake Michigan, we sailed way out to a remote area away from other boats or a view of land. Ken said the water was ice cold, and then he dove in! We were with a big group, and I was the only other person who followed him into the water. It was so freakin’ freezing cold, I gasped in shock. But doing it was exhilarating and made me feel brave, like I could do anything.

In looking at my life and the experiences I’ve lived through, as in Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote, I see how forging ahead through difficulties has allowed me to keep going. I’ve lost so many loved ones to illness and tragedy, there are times I wanted to stay in bed with the covers over my head. But those moments didn’t last long. I couldn’t breathe under there, so I had to get up and move. There was no giving up, especially as I thought about those people I grieved who wanted me to live fully, and be happy.

There are things I still haven’t done…hot air balloon ride, make baklava, go to Scotland. I want to support causes that are important to me, like abolishing the death penalty. I don’t like the term “Bucket List,” but I do like life goals. I’m diligently working on publishing a poetry chapbook within the next few months, and I’m nervous and scared. I hope it’s good, that my words mean something to people,  while publicly exposing my inner thoughts.

But if I don’t do it, then I’m a writer who didn’t publish anything other than these blog posts. As a creative person, I’m compelled by forces inside of me to make art and send it out into the world. Regardless of how it’s received.

So, I challenge you, my friends, to do the thing you fear. Strong words to live by. Along with my other favorite quote, “there’s always time to go to the bathroom.” But that’s fodder for a future essay.